InfiltrARTor: art – Self-portraits

Introduction to Self-portraits while the selfish culture killed quite a bit many.

Intro to Self-portraits while the selfish culture killed quite a bit manyID: PC

Self-portraits while the selfish culture killed quite a bit many should be self-explanatory. By reflecting upon myself, I am not doing anything socially conscious – like, for example, Joseph Beuys' planting of 7000 trees. By being ignorant of my surroundings I prolong the selfish culture. In this selfish culture I am part of the sheeple who are posing in front of the camera and reflecting upon their own crappy lives: they are admiring and themselves and expressing their hardship in life; so am I... while ignoring the deteriorating nature of our everyday individuality-obsession. (In my case, it is over 1100 self-portraits... which is a number that is probably quite less than the number of self-portraits that today's teenagers take.) Can you imagine that for the time that it took me to do all of these self-portraits, I could actually do something beneficial for the people? And what if everyone did that too? How do we “selfish” people kill others? By focusing on our own lives and behaving like independent units from each other; not behaving as a society that works together toward our common goals: the obtaining of our necessities.... This self-portrait section is a bit similar to the biggest series that I've done – “Modern” Art... and the wasted time creating it while “modern” life kills quite a bit many; there, I take pictures of various things (and I even prolong the wasting of time by digitally altering them); here, on the other hand, I am the focus of attention (and I also digitally alter the images – through which I waste even more time on my self-obsessing). The contemporary selfish selfie culture taught me to be putting on my horse blinders and to start admiring myself. Even though more or less all of the self-portraits display my self-admiration, some are more witty than others; for example, this introductory Favorites section includes self-portraits that have a bit more depth than the rest. Also, thematically many self-portraits vary quite a bit from each other. That prompted me to start sub-categorizing them. The sub-categorization thematically and by years was not in my intention, but it was necessary to enhance the user-experience and to help load the pages faster. (Please note that in the ~2000s category, I had failed to diligently date the self-portraits to their exact date; the images and photos you see there are from the mid 1990s to the early 2000s.)

I am empowering the pawns (2013)ID: PC

This one is one of my all time favorite self-portraits. In Michelangelo's Last Judgment, God empowers Adam. But here in my apartment, and in Duchamp's apartment, I get to empower the pawns; they are the same pawns that Duchamp used to play with. The “father of conceptual art” – used his savvy brain power to treat art as a playground. While the average art lovers didn't understand his work, it amused quite a bit of art critics... enough to shape him as one of the biggest names in art history.... Well, it was time for me to step in and empower the same pawns that he manipulated. But this time I needed to empower them with brain power. While he is smiling sarcastically, I am on a very serious mission.... I want to clarify that the animation is not part of the self-portraits, but in this case I am not only trying to cut down on space, but also since I created several different images (with the brain one being the most important one) I stacked them on the top of each other, and the conveying of the message seems to work well.

From the top of a latter (2017)ID: CC5-174

These self-portraits were taken from the top of a latter, with the camera pointed down at a mirror below the latter. (Again, the animation is not part of the self-portraits, but with the animation I am able to put 4 images on the space of one.) What is scattered on the ground? My rough draft papers with my red pen check-marks and each visited paper marked with a giant X to indicate to me that I have finished editing it. The whole ground was covered in edited papers.. until the wind blew. This self-portrait, however, has an upcoming surprise: its name will change after the publishing of my semi-autobiographical novel and my booklet that reveal my quarter-of-a-century-long situational performance regarding the faulty interactions and connections between women and men. Feminism... But Without Females? is the sampler book that contains the introductory chapters to my situational performance; the book however was not intended to reveal the performance, and it is more like a volume 1 that will lead to the disclosure of the performance. However, by reading it, a keen eye may figure out what the performance is about.

Shoving a green card right into my heart (2009)ID: CC4-353

Just as other animals, all humans are migratory too, because their biology requires them to migrate in order to seek the obtaining of their living necessities. Politics, however, doesn't understand that, and its ego tries to establish jurisdiction over certain biological normalities that are very normal to us. In other words, migration, in culturally created political entities that create “borders,” “states,” “nations,” and “countries,” (and so forth), is not easy. I went through this non-easy ordeal too, and just as others, I too got quite exhausted from it.... So, on the day that I was supposed to obtain a “green card,” as if I hadn't had enough of a misery already, why not do a situational performance and take the opportunity to shove the freakin' card right into my heart! And as you can see, I also stitched up the wound quite well, didn't I?

Achy America (2013)ID: PC

I guess, the designers of this T-shirt were not as observant as I was. Or, I may be overreacting to make the deep connection between AKE America and Achy America... until you actually see what's printed on the T-shirt; it's a promotion of pain and suffering disguised as corporate advertisement. I decided not to reveal the name of the corporation (and I cropped out the name), because a weapon's manufacturer is just another business within an unbeneficial monetary culture. If you want to find out why supporting the monetary culture is the wrong way to go, you can check out my nonfiction book and semi-autobiographical novel about the problems of the monetary culture, and the upcoming solutions.

Getting too excited by the glory of my halo (2013)ID: PC

I was getting too excited by the glory of my halo, so I had to stop and take the opportunity to snap this picture right on the spot.

My head stops shining in poverty (2013)ID: PC

In poverty, little by little, your head eventually stops to shine; so, I documented the evidence.

Door-knob heart (2013)ID: PC

The door-knob heart on my semi-autobiographical novel's narrator, opens the door for my protagonism to be revered... even though my own door-knob makes me look like a clown.

Door-knob throat chakra symbol (2013)ID: PC

My throat chakra symbol door-knob opens the door for communication and knowledge. Thanks to my semi-autobiographical novel's narrator who is sitting by my side. He is so important and so powerful, yet like a ghost you can never see him; you can only envision him.

The Agony of Being Free.ID: PC

As happy as I am that I am promoting the evolving out of a dysfunctional culture which does not benefit the individuals and societies, I'd be lying if I said that I haven't had my moments of mental torture – when I have to endure the sheeple's docility. Their, so to speak, Stockholm syndrome doesn't digest well with me and it breaks me down mentally; it tortures me when I know that freedom from a dysfunctional culture is possible, yet I see that the sheeple wouldn't take the advice. I want to clarify that I am not speaking about financial freedom, which, like the rest of the sheeple I don't have, but I am speaking about freedom from a dysfunctional culture which I have more so than other people.... The Agony of Being Free (taken mostly in front of my toilet's mirror) is a series of humorous, digitally enhanced self-portraits that depict how deteriorated and miserable I end up looking when I am broken down for being the only person who is free – mentally free to step outside of the in-group and outside of the culturally confined zone. Wouldn't I be happy that I am not in cultural chains? No! One free person doesn't for me. All of us need to be free just as I am. I can't be alone in my freedom, while the rest of the sheeple continue to embrace their imprisoning contemporary culture... without even knowing that they are not really free.

Introduction to the I am currently worth self-portraitsID: PC

The monetary system, which is a child of our contemporary dysfunctional culture, puts a monetary “worth” on each person. That monetary worth value is the number that is stored in your bank account (checkbook, wallet, or pockets); and that number will change all the time according to how much money you are putting in or taking out. That is what your value is “humans”: You have a value worth to the monetary system! The higher the number, the more worth; the lower the number – the less you are worth. If your value worth is let's say zero, you are worth zero, you can no longer obtain your living necessities. You end up depending on the charity of others. If charity doesn't meet your needs, the system has no problem leaving you to deteriorate. I want to clarify that this has nothing to do with how hard you work in life, because the vast majority of people in the world are wage slaves who work all day long, and often more than one job at a time... yet they are still on paycheck-to-paycheck, or cash-to-cash basis. So, your value's worth to the monetary system is not determined by your hard labor, as you probably were deceived when you were young; it is determined by the mercy of your employers. But they are not the bad guys, because the monetary system is not the root cause! Who is the father of the monetary system? The monetary culture that you and I continue to abide to. The bosses are followers of a monetary culture, because a culture is their father, not greed as it is commonly misattributed. Monetary wealth is not intended to be shared, but kept; that's because in a monetary culture, money is exchanged for goods and services. If an employer decides to share the wealth, then the employer will have less goods and services. The bosses are not to be blamed; their directionless culture created the monetary way of living; and we all buy into it and continue to perpetuate it. If you want to find out why the monetary culture is the culprit, you can check out my nonfiction book and semi-autobiographical novel about the problems of the monetary culture, and the upcoming solutions. (This series will have more upcoming documented atrocities of the monetary culture.)

I am currently worth: $1595.45 (2013)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $1431.52 (2013)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $1323.68 (2013)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $855.10 (2015)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $315.76 (2015)ID: PC

I am married to sarcasm against our common oppressors; if I can't defeat it, at least I can be sarcastic about it. The I am currently worth self-portrait series includes some of my favorite self-portraits. With this flashing image in particular, in case it is not understood well enough already, I am making it even more bright and clear for my oppressive culture to see what it is doing to the average folks.... I had already been employed since 1992 officially (1990 unofficially). Now fast forward to 2015, which is a 3rd or a 4th of my life gone already, and I find it ironic, but also laughable, that an outdated culture can't properly evaluate its own humans; and it has no problem with their continuous devaluation.

I am currently worth: $772.76 (2015)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $518.53 (2015)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $678.45 (2015)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $428.61 (2015)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $350.33 (2015)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $722.69 (2016)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $668.04 (2016)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $1493.22 (2016)ID: PC

I am currently worth: $403.30 (2024)ID: PC

The humiliation is insane, but the sarcasm is even greater! I had already been employed from 1992 to 2023. I left my last job in 2023 due to fear of retaliation for reporting the negligence of my employer to the state government; and I was living off my savings for the time that I was trying to complete my website and my 20 books that are due for publishing. But, of course, I started running out of money, and I needed to get a job soon. Well, I had a rude awakening, because ageism is a big thing! At my age, employers are no longer calling me for interviews, and I ended up doing hard labor work, digging ditches with a shovel all day long, and so forth, for staffing agencies that are paying me $13/hr. Yes, no kidding, again, the humiliation is unbearable, but of course, the government does not care that their worker has worked for over 30 years. Add to that even another humiliation: My application for food assistance was rejected because I am “unemployed.” You'd think that it should be the other way around, but the government got it backward... because they want to make sure that their sheeple keep wage slaving, right?

I am currently worth: $277.22, AKA: F-277.22! (2025)ID: PC

Did you guys hear that the air force has a new jet? F-277.22!

2024 birthday. (enhanced contrast)ID: B&W drawing

Grinding my teeth in sarcasm!

2023 birthday. (enhanced contrast)ID: B&W drawing

Introduction to the Walking on ceiling self-portraitsID: PC

Andy Warhol said that everyone wants to have their 15-minutes of fame; Jesus, however, surpassed that by quite a big margin. He had his 1500-years of fame! I am far from Andy Warhol's, let alone Jesus' achievement, but why don't I try to have my 15-seconds of fame. How? Well, Jesus walked on water, which is actually a bit speculative, because it could've been simply frozen water that he walked on (and the dockumentarians didn't acknowledge it properly in writing)... but that's for a different conversation. Back to me: Why don't I try to walk on ceiling and try my 15-seconds of fame. Well, after many different tries, here are the results.

Holding hands together with my creative mind I was able to achieve it!

2022 birthday. (enhanced contrast)ID: B&W drawing

2021 birthday. (enhanced contrast)ID: B&W drawing

With extra technological power, and two sharp fangs! (2021)ID: PC

2020 birthday. (enhanced contrast)ID: B&W drawing

2019 birthday. (enhanced contrast)ID: B&W drawing

Why the worrying? I was already suspecting that I was going to get sick; and then several months later I did.... But, will persevere, and I'll fight (notice the fist).

2018 birthday.ID: B&W drawing

I was not intending for this to be a blank piece of paper even though it appear that it is. This was a very lightly drawn self-portrait that I was going to get back to finishing... but I never did, and that's why it appears blank. I couldn't even recover it by enhancing the contrast, because the drawing underneath the paper starts to appear. So, I left it as it is.

2017 birthday. (enhanced contrast)ID: B&W drawing

Always clipping unnecessary obstacles.

2016 birthday. (enhanced contrast)ID: B&W drawing

Yavorkado's self-excitementID: PC

Just like the name Yagurt (from the self-portraits series), the name Yavorkado could be understood only from bilingual Bulgarian-English speakers. Yavor was my former first name; and kado are the last syllables of avocado.

2016 Colonoscopy self-portraitID: drawing

I mailed a color-pen-drawn card to the medical office that did my colonoscopy. This is a picture of it.

2015 birthday: Carrying on my shoulders.
(enhanced contrast).ID: Color drawing

2014 birthday. (enhanced contrast).ID: Color drawing

Social mission in protection and disguise as camouflaged modern art.

2013 birthday. (enhanced contrast).ID: B&W drawing

The foolish soldierID: PC

Gender equity, not gender power!ID: CC5-111

I need to clarify what I mean by the word gender, because nowadays due to misguided, unchecked, and deceptive cultural influences, the meaning of the word has been twisted quite a bit. Gender does not exist in physical form; sex exists in physical form. Gender is the behavior corresponding to the physical sex. So, when I say gender equity, I mean that the personalities of women and men need to present themselves with the same set of values; they have to be on par with each other by acknowledging that they both need the same necessities. I also need to make one more clarification: initially, I had the word equality instead of equity; later, I divorced myself from the use of the equality word, because it confuses people that I may imply the reaching of some kind of pure 100% equality between women and men, as if we are trying to meet some kind of a perfect quota. Equity and equity values between the sexes, is more accurate description of what I imply.... Yes, fists down, women! Right around the transition between 2nd-wave and 3rd-wave feminism, things started diverting in the wrong direction, and by editing this famous “resistance” picture and inserting myself between the two “feminists,” I am correcting their misguided position. What I imply in my collage is, fists down; this symbolic attitude isn't needed; we need to work together instead.... If you want to find out more about my egalitarian position on this topic, you can check out my semi-autobiographical and nonfiction books about the faulty contemporary interactions and connections between women and men.

2012 birthday. (enhanced contrast).ID: B&W drawing

Portrait with my parents… (13.00" x 6.75")ID: CC5-049

Portrait with my parents in cracked eggshells, unhatched, and framed too. I am in the middle while each of them is facing me. I actually found the whole framed triptych in a thrift-store... and without modifying it one bit I immediately knew what it represents: just the typical family drama... nothing unusual.

After how many depressions? (enhanced contrast).ID: B&W drawing

2011 birthday: The ball is falling. (enhanced contrast).ID: B&W drawing

The upcoming Vi----yID: PC

2010 birthday: self-explanatory (enhanced contrast).ID: B&W drawing

Seeing Without Hearing. (5.75" x 8.00")ID: B&W drawing on cardboard

Looking at the woman under my throat – who is perhaps having somewhat of a devotional moment – it's quite possible that I may have gotten the idea to put her there because of Dominique Ingres' Jupiter and Thetis (1811).

Looks familiar?ID: NB15-61.5

My well-deserved reference letter that I never got.ID: PC

When I began to realize that I will not have enough money to pursue a Master's and a PhD, I wrote a generic letter that was copied and sent to all of the teachers at my university. I was seeking scholarship money, or some kind of a recommendation. Of course, I didn't want to be blowing my own trumpet and appear full of myself, so in the letter I didn't mention that I am trying to become the next Marcel Duchamp and Joseph Beuys; but I still had to mention that I am becoming a conceptual & performance artist who deals with sociopolitical commentary.... I ended up with very few replies from some of the teachers who were at least kind enough to give me a sorry and a good-luck. Well, what then... no more school... was that the end of it? No! I had to do my own “well-deserved reference letter that I never got.” (In retrospect, I forgive the academia for not attempting to help me financially, because it would've bothered me mentally that while I was being financially helped, other students were not... as if they are less deserving than me.)

My naive never-sent resume 1.ID: NB7-68.5

As somewhat of a dadaist, I was itching to send this joke resume, as creators are “supposed to be” creative, right? No, they are not, James; their creativity is only in accordance with the business world confinement. So, of course the world (especially the corporate one) wasn't ready for my quirky humor.

My naive never-sent resume 2.ID: NB7-68.5

Joining the profiteers by sending this resume, James? If you want to join the wolves, that's exactly how you don't start! Again, I never sent this resume. By the way, in 2002 it had been already 10 of years of wage slaving for me; my sarcasm for both, business and government (in bed together), had been brewing for quite a bit, and by that time I was well familiar with how they exploit their workers.

Self-portrait 1 (class assignment).ID: 11x14 Notepad

Self-portrait 2 (class assignment).ID: 11x14 Notepad

Introduction to this sectionID:

To remind, this ~2000 self-portrait section is for self-portraits that were made between the late 1990s (when I got my first camera), and up until the early 2000s. At that time I was not diligent enough to label my photos' dates.

The light is beginning to shine! 1 (~1999).ID: film photo

What am I beginning to brew in my mind here? My most special project! It is a situational performance art that I will cover in my semi-autobiographical novel in regards to the dysfunctional contemporary interactions and connections between women and men (which later will also split into a nonfiction version called, The Missing Love). With this image, I am so to speak beginning to be blowing my own trumpet... except, instead of a trumpet, I am using a shining light directed at me. A big-big egomaniac is in the works. I mean, who the hell sits on a chair that is placed on the top of a table? The one that needs to be closer to the shining light. What is he thinking? That women, one day, will be reading about themselves!

The light is beginning to shine! 2 (~1999).ID: film photo

The light is beginning to shine! 3 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 1 (~1999).ID: film photo

Well, just as the light was going to shine, I also needed to prepare myself in anticipation of the impact of what I was about to create: a spark for people to start abandoning their crusted cultural modes of thinking, and to evolve themselves to be critical thinkers who will not deny their living necessities just because, again, a crusted culture says so.

In anticipation of the impact 2 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 3 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 4 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 5 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 6 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 7 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 8 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 9 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 10 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 11 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 12 (~1999).ID: film photo

In anticipation of the impact 13 (~1999).ID: film photo

Abstract expressionist reflection (~1999).ID: film photo

The complicated reflection of a cultural sensor (~1998).ID: film photo

The shitty struggle (~1998).ID: film photo

This “shitty struggle” has a double meaning! Not only life is shitty, but the meal actually consists of a shit.... Yes, I actually put a dog poop in for the photo shoot.

Reflection 1 (~1998).ID: film photo

Reflection 2 (~1998).ID: film photo

Darkness (~1998).ID: film photo

Oops! 1 (~1998).ID: film photo

Oops! 2 (~1998).ID: film photo

Oops! 3 (~1998).ID: film photo

Oops! 4 (~1998).ID: film photo

Oops! 5 (~1998).ID: film photo

Oops! 6 (~1998).ID: film photo

My drinking misery! (~1998).ID: film photo

Reflection 3 (~1998).ID: film photo

Reflection 4 (1999).ID: film photo

Reflection 5 (1999).ID: film photo

Private function (~1998).ID: film photo

Culturally asleep as usual 1 (2000).ID: film photo

Culturally asleep as usual 2 (2000).ID: film photo

Culturally asleep as usual 3 (2000).ID: film photo

Culturally asleep as usual 4 (2000).ID: film photo

Culturally asleep as usual 5 (2000).ID: film photo

Culturally asleep as usual 6 (2000).ID: film photo

Culturally asleep as usual 7 (2000).ID: film photo

The triggered devil (collage)ID: NB8-20.5

This artwork was created and taped in my notebook at the time when I had probably already started the beginning steps of my semi-autobiographical novel in regards to the dysfunctional contemporary interactions and connections between women and men (which later will also split into a nonfiction version called, The Missing Love). For those who are not familiar with the images on the artwork, I am not the illustrator of the imagery! The imagery is a copy of the famous 1986 feminist artwork (by I.G.) – which I've used at least twice for my art projects (by illustrating my art on the top of it).... Here, I am the depicted as the animalistic devil who is very upset. He's been triggered to behave badly, and the “civilized” man needs to have him leashed so he does no harm to the innocent woman.... But is she really that “innocent” because she triggered him to behave in the idiotic manner? The text explains: “I'm here for two reasons: First, because I desire her (because she likes me); and second, because I want to smack her, because she just lied to me.”... I need to clarify that my comment that “she likes me” is deceptive, and I should've written instead that she had liked me. Also, unlike the contemporary radical leftists and rightists who have become accustomed to that violent behaviors are okay as long as they are pointed at the side that is facing accusation, I don't condone violence. However, I do understand that the reason that dangerous behaviors, in men particularly, exist, is because they have been triggered to surface by evidently poor interactive and connective skills by the same women that the devil is angry at. Human behaviors are not set in stone; we, men particularly, have hormonal triggers that need to be dealt with carefully. The crime stats have proven themselves over and over that men, more so than women, can be sparked to be dangerous; if so, then to alleviate the hormonal triggers, it make sense for men to be treated like normal people in their interactions and connections with women – in order to not be triggered.

My shitty life. (1999)ID: collage

My Shitty Life is a 1999 collage school project on black board. (The photocopy has some blown highlights which are not part of the artwork.) The idea of the project is not 100% entirely mine, because my classmate, Dylan, came up with one or more of the assemblage ideas, but I can't recall which one(s). Yes, the body is made out of 5 cutout shit pictures, and the representation is a metaphor not only for my life but for yours too. Since the body, arms and legs are made out of shit, it represents our shitty physical life too. Why is it a shitty physical life? Because wage slaves are treated like shit, and after that we are dumped when our bodies are useless. The material of the shit is soft and unstable, which of course, you must handle with care; it is soft because the decaying process is already present. Death is just around the corner! Given that the shit has no feet, the stability is very weak too. It cannot support its own weight that is stuffed with shitty matter; therefore, eventually the shit will collapse and die. Given its lack of feet, not only it is unstable, but it also lacks coordination; the shitty arms are too big and too heavy for the shitty body to have any decent coordination.... However, unlike the shitty body, my head is not made out of shit, and that is remarkable! My head is heart-shaped, which means that it has stored love inside it. It is clean, and it has clear thinking... and it doesn't have a shitty odor like the rest of the parts. But my head is misunderstood because of my shitty life. On the heart-head there are horns growing out of where my eyes are supposed to be placed. My horns are supposed to defend me and rebel for me, but without eyes I can't see; my eyes are supposed to be guiding me, yet they are not there to see, and that's why I only see shit. That's right, there is no guiding for the shit, because shit do not have eyes. And the reason that a shit doesn’t have eyes is because it is supposed to be dumped and not see where its future is heading. Nevertheless, nobody takes a notice of a shit, like you and me. From a distance, the artwork looks like a hopeless ant; ants are metaphor for hard workers. Keep going ants, and you may get your victory – a one that you will not be able to witness yourself because you are born without eyes. Yet, you may also get easily crushed in your pursuing for success! And keep in mind that you are facing and pinning yourself against 8 billion other shits too – who are also trying to achieve the same as you. You too can't win, because you can only be swept, stepped on, and trashed. You are shit, and you have no option to avoid the cultural caste. The more you smell and the more you complain – the more you will be disregarded.

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Introduction to the Yagurt probiotic self-portraitsID: CC5-164

These images will be added when they get scanned. Yagurt – This name could be understood only from bilingual Bulgarian-English speakers. Ya was the first letter (Я) of my former first name; and gurt are the last four letters of the word yogurt. What does yogurt have to do with it? The self-portraits are drawn on the back of metallic foil yogurt labels. Contextually, I will be the probiotic, not the yogurt.